I want to lose weight. I'm 136.5 lbs right now and by the time my sister's wedding comes on August 18th I want to have lost 10 lbs and be 126.5. By the end of the summer I want to be 120. I just want the weight off. The only way to do that is by not eating, or not eating much. I don't care how bad it is for me, especially since I'll be starting cross country tomorrow. It's my choice and I'm going with it.

when all you can think about is suicide. How you'll do it and when. It's bad when you've got more than 5 ways to kill yourself. Then you think about it and feel like it's not a bad idea. That no one's going to care about you, even though a little voice tells you they will. But then you dismiss that voice and tell it that it's for the better to do off with yourself. Then you start to cry, not because you don't want to die, but because you didn't want to have to come to this. You didn't want to feel the hurt of the emotions inside of you and you hoped they would never come but they did. Now it's all up to waiting for the time when you's cease to exist.

I decided that at 11 o'clock I'm going to go out on my bike and look for a job. My parents will see me grow up REAL quick. There's about 3 places that I know to go. I'm hoping that they're open for the Fourth of July. My luck they won't be. I hope they are.