I lost 1 pound since 2 days ago. If I keep up losing a pound every 2 days I'll be at my goal for the end of summer before no time. I was wrong, cross country starts on the 9th, so that'll help me lose weight too. I just replaced a lot of my eating with drinking water. Any time I get hungry I'll drink about 2 bottles of water. This way I'll start to lose fat and not water weight too. I also got a job at McDonalds, not a great place, but it'll do. At least working around fast food will make me sick of it after a while. It'll probably make me sick of food too because I can't stand looking at food for a while.

What I ate today:
2 fork fulls of macaroni salad
1/4 cup of potatoe salad
1 hamburger
1 doughnut
1 icee

That's actually not a lot compared to what I normally eat. So it's good. Now what should I eat tomorrow? hmm. probably some cereal, a hamburger (I like hamburgers now for some reason), and an apple. That sounds good.

I want to lose weight. I'm 136.5 lbs right now and by the time my sister's wedding comes on August 18th I want to have lost 10 lbs and be 126.5. By the end of the summer I want to be 120. I just want the weight off. The only way to do that is by not eating, or not eating much. I don't care how bad it is for me, especially since I'll be starting cross country tomorrow. It's my choice and I'm going with it.

when all you can think about is suicide. How you'll do it and when. It's bad when you've got more than 5 ways to kill yourself. Then you think about it and feel like it's not a bad idea. That no one's going to care about you, even though a little voice tells you they will. But then you dismiss that voice and tell it that it's for the better to do off with yourself. Then you start to cry, not because you don't want to die, but because you didn't want to have to come to this. You didn't want to feel the hurt of the emotions inside of you and you hoped they would never come but they did. Now it's all up to waiting for the time when you's cease to exist.